(Leave a comment)

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

I think there's actually sort of a nebbish Venn diagram out there that clearly illustrates the nerd divide.  I used to think that nerds were nerds, but nerds are actually divided into two distinct types who can't stand each other.

TRUE OVERLAP SECTION

Star Wars

LEFT SIDE

Buffy, Firefly
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Renaissance Fair
Harry Potter
Dungeons & Dragons
Monty Python
PC RPGs
Jokes that take 15-20 minutes to tell
Arguments that they consider to be well-reasoned
Yiffing
Dressing up as Hermione Granger
Making their own [anything] and documenting it
Kool-Aid from 50 years ago
Economics
Futurama

RIGHT SIDE

/b/
Console games
Fantasy sports
Japanese animation
Poker
Rap music
Dick jokes
Trolling and flaming
Tentacle rape
Dressing up as Chun Li
Doing nothing all day
Weed
Aqua Teen Hunger Force

MINOR OVERLAP BUBBLES (these appear on the diagram as self-contained bubbles of overlap that are not part of the larger circles but are enjoyed by minorities of both sides)

Sexual Kink (often involving the below)
Vampires (often involving the above)
Depression
Computer Programming
Kevin Smith movies (due to containing both comic books AND dick jokes)
Magic:  The Gathering (left sides are bad, right sides are good as a general rule)

Optional challenge:  Name three things that are thought of as "nerdy" and try to figure out which side they go on, based on what is already there.

Take a look at these and try to figure out if you're a lefty or a righty.  There's no law that says you have to like everything on a given side to belong to that side, but as a general rule, the more things you like from a given side, the more likely that will be your side in the forthcoming Nerd Ragnarok.

===

GT

 

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

ghet·to [get-oh]
–noun, plural -tos, -toes. 1. a section of a city, esp. a thickly populated slum area, inhabited predominantly by members of an ethnic or other minority group, often as a result of social or economic restrictions, pressures, or hardships.
2. (formerly, in most European countries) a section of a city in which all Jews were required to live.
3. a section predominantly inhabited by Jews.
4. any mode of living, working, etc., that results from stereotyping or biased treatment: job ghettos for women; ghettos for the elderly.

It's used as an adjective in the post above, but I think it's important to know what the noun means. As an adjective, there are any number of possible meanings. Depending on the context, it can be a somewhat positive way to refer to something that is hearty and hasn't forgotten its roots (Ron Artest recently referred to himself this way in an interview). That isn't how it's used here, though. While I may seem reactionary for saying this, try to imagine someone from a mainstream media outlet using this sort of tone while representing a major corporation.

This is just an example of Blizzard talking to players in terms they can understand- I'm sure a massive portion of the player base routinely uses the word "ghetto" to mean a last-ditch, seat-of-the-pants replacement for a much superior object, without realizing that in doing so they're being as insensitive as usual. Now, let me make myself clear- if someone in a small group of white people used this term to refer to some shoddy replacement for a staple ability, despite knowing that it is insensitive, I guess would understand the context immediately and not make the issue- this is possible because a) we'd all be friends and b) there's no minority around to get hurt by it.

But this guy is a class manager on a public forum. What, does he hope there are no minorities around to get offended? He might as well have made the following post:



===

GT

(6 comments | Leave a comment)

Kil’jaeden the Deceiver is, in the ship-in-a-bottle universe of World of Wacraft, a big deal. The greatest of the eredar demon lords, he’s the head honcho behind that Burning Legion we’ve all heard so much about. For those lore junkies out there who wanted to catch a glimpse of the big red baddie outside the pages of their Warcraft RPG sourcebooks, the pages thumbed Dorito-orange long since, this recent Sunwell plateau incarnation was a breath of fresh air.

From a technical standpoint, Kil’jaeden was a well-crafted lootbag, designed from the ground up to be killable, like any raid boss worth his salt- and in this role he succeeded, combining a stomach-full of purple goodies with the fortitude to challenge the highest level guilds in the game and come out the glorious loser. The lore, however, tells us that Kil’jaeden intended to win, that his ultimate goal was to hunt down his old buddy Velen, and destroy and enslave all life on Azeroth, bringing about a state of affairs that would, no doubt, make a lousy video game.

So, he obviously had to die. Nobody would want to play World of Eredar Torment. Like a professional sports league better-served by a 7th game, Blizzard put Kil’jaeden out there keep people occupied until the rise of Arthas (who now exists as The Placeholder King on a far-distanced hard drive somewhere), not to take over Azeroth. If his goal was really to corrupt and destroy Azeroth, though, I have to think he died smiling. In fact, he was probably laughing his ass off from whatever pool of Twisted Nether dissolution he got dumped into.

What am I talking about? Well, before I get into that, let me just make the follow (apparently non-sequitur) statement:

Sometimes when I game, I wish I was a minority. 

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

The challenge is this:

a) Take A Regular Movie Title
b) Remove Any Number Of Letters
c) The end result must be a porn movie title (imaginary).

Bonus points for removing the fewest letters, the wittiest resulting title, and the number of fetishes suggested by the resulting title.  Also, when you list the title, you should NOT list the letters removed or the final result...you have to leave it up to everyone else to guess.

My champion entry thusfar:

Flags Of Our Fathers

Can anyone top that?

===

GT

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

Ok, I have to get this out there.  All of this is right off the top of my head.

I hate dogs.  

Dogs are animals and we project human qualities onto them because it's got utility for us- not for the dog.  Some are relatively intelligent and a positive part of life, this is very true...but I would never leave a young child in the room alone with any dog that was even 50% of it's body weight.  Because at the end of the day, a dog is an animal, and nobody knows when it's going to bite.  But that's just my view on it.  I get less *utility* from dog ownership than most.  I can appreciate the fact that a dog can be very special- like a family member.  

People need to keep in mind that just because they're a crazy dog lady whose house smells like the Humane Society, not everyone else is.  In fact, a lot of people couldn't give a fuck.  We feel about as bad about a dog dying as we do about a raccoon dying.

Michael Vick is getting crucified because he participated in the killing of dogs.  A heinous crime- but only because lots of people have known and loved a dog.  If he'd been killing raccoons, nobody would give a fuck.  I'm firmly in the "I don't give a shit" camp.  Those dogs weren't "Old Yeller" to Vick and his cronies- they were just means to an end.  Sure, they had the POTENTIAL to be tremendous friends to someone, and maybe even WANTED to be, though they didn't know it, having been trained to kill...but they never were.

Basically, if you're up in arms about Michael Vick killing a dog because you own a dog, you should also be protesting at abortion clinics, because you knew a human once.

Yes, I know there are differences.  Vick wasn't killing dog fetuses.  Dog fighting is a crime and abortion is not.  Blah blah blah.  But listen...

Fuck you.  Just because you once loved a dog doesn't mean SHIT to me.  This case tugs on your heartstrings because of good ol' Fluffy the Poodle, that you shared all those good times with.  Just like any other bullshit issue.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the fence, the NAACP is urging restraint because Vick is black, and all of them have known a nice black person or two.

I've known more black people I liked than dogs I liked.  It's like 47-5 in favor of the blacks.  

Pets are just more bullshit that people buy to stay happy.  Watching them get up in arms about this sickens me.  It's like if Vick crashed his car and a bunch of auto-affidianados started picketing him.  Pure self-interest and no fucking actual care for the common good.  Mike Vick might be a douche bag, but come on.  Ever eat a steak?  Oh, you never owned or had a meaningful relationship with a cow.  I guess it's ok then.

Fuck the PETA.  Gandhi said one sure way to judge a society was how they treat their animals.  Well, let's look at us.

-we're cold-hearted killers if we need to eat
-we're cold-hearted killers if we need to build a road
-we're absolute fucking PUSSIES, socially self-medicated and needy, if you judge us by how we treat dogs, cats and other household pets

Gandhi's famous quote was basically a condemnation.  If you've ever seen the Penn & Teller show on pets, you know what I mean.  It's all for you.  Just admit it.  It isn't for the fucking dog.  If you'd never owned one and dogs were tasty, you'd be eating the little bastards right now.

===

GT

EDIT:  In reading over the above, it occurs to me that someone might think that I am comparing African-Americans to dogs in terms of the interest being shown in the case.  All I'm trying to say it, it's all self-interest based on appreciation for various qualities.  The NAACP obviously has a greater appreciation for the value of African-Americans than the average North American, while the same can be said of pets and the PETA.  It should come as no surprise that they're totally divided along the dog vs. African-American line in this case.  But I have a lot more sympathy for NAACP than I do for the PETA, even if they're both pushing an agenda.

I just hate the fact that anyone who loved a dog once automatically hates Michael Vick.  I've read some *bullshit* posts about how he should get something like 10-20 years in jail.  

Please.  He deserves to do his year, do his donation to the Humane Society, and then he can get on with his life.  Your bullshit makes me sick, dog lovers.  It's absurd that you're pushing for increased penalties just because you like dogs.  Dogs suck.

(27 comments | Leave a comment)

(8 comments | Leave a comment)

(Leave a comment)

Let me tell you a little bit about how I'm going to score this.  Anything that has even a passing relation to the D20 system is disqualified.  That means Planescape:  Torment is out.  Action RPGs are also disqualified.  Diablo is an amazing, amazing game, and so is spiritual successor Titan Quest, but they're the sort of games where you click through the dialogue.

I'm also going to be including strategy RPGs on this list.  So something like Hoshigami:  Ruining Blue Earth would be eligable.  As long as the games have an epic and cool storyline, they are eligable.

So let's get to my Top 10 list- the games that I think, pound for pound, are the best combination of music, plot, gameplay, and overall satisfaction provided by the game experience..

Honorable Mentions:  

Final Fantasy IV (SNES)- The first RPG that could truly blow you away with soundtrack alone falls short of making the list.  Originally released in a dumbed-down "roundeye only" version for the SNES (a decision made by the people responsible for the mentality that brought us Final Fantasy:  Mystic Quest), it kicked ass despite all the dummied-out items.  The skillful retranslation of the GBA rerelease has made it even better than it once was.  If I had to chose a game to replay, however, I would choose any of the Top 10 before I would go back to this, perhaps because I've played it about 1,000 times.

Dragon Quest VIII (PS2) - The first fight against Dhoulmagus is one of the most epic in RPG history (often requiring you to literally die and then come back to fight his still-evolved second stage form) and the voice acting is well done.  Suffers from the recent decision of voice-acting coordinators to use a different ethnic stereotype for every voice, a mistake repeated in Final Fantasy XII- or, as I like to call it, Indiana Jones & The Last Star Wars Matrix Crusade Of The Rings.  Then again, Nintendo was built on the back of a heavy-accented Italian plumber, so we can't expect anything different from the Japanese.

Shadowrun (SNES) - It hasn't aged well.  Go back and emulate it sometime if you don't believe me.  Lots of fun back in 1964, though.

Chrono Cross (PS1) - Some people think that Final Fantasy VII's graphics have aged worse than those of any RPG in history.  That's not true as long as this game exists.  Received a 10.0 from Gamespot in a review that never should have been printed, probably more of an 8.5.

Final Fantasy I (NES) - Replaying this is like rewatching "The Godfather" after watching every mafia-related movie that it inspired...only if "The Godfather" wasn't so hot in the first place and was only tolerated by people because there were no other movies.  Playable now only because of improvements in the GBA re-imagining.  Don't forget to hold RESET when you turn the power off if you're going to save.

Any "Fire Emblem" Game - I like the body of work, but no one title stands out enough to slide into the Top 10.

Any "Pokemon" Game - The formula works and the games are fun and addictive.  But they're not Top 10, regardless of how many hundreds of millions of copies get sold.

Shining Force I and II - These games are absurdly good and I enjoy them more than Chrono Trigger, but I can't honestly say they're better games.  Thank god for emulators, that's all I can say.

Warsong (Genesis) - This old Genesis game was really good- but not good enough to crack the Top 10.  Emulate it if you want to have some fun.  Great combat with soldiers and their commanders on a grid, supported by an interesting story of war between various kingdoms.  Has a hilarious combat animation where two groups of soldiers charge each other and then go flying.

Phantasy Star IV (Genesis) - Probably better than Chrono Trigger as well.  I wanted to put this 10th- but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Buck Rogers & The Countdown To Doomsday (Genesis) - Too close to the D20 system to really count, but this game kicked ass.  Any other people have fond memories of this?

Suikoden III - This game is great all around and probably should have made the Top 10, but I can't really say it's a better game than Chrono Trigger, despite enjoying it more.  The hallmark appearence of Yuber, one of the more interesting villains in RPG history.  You can play as four different characters and each of the branching story-arcs has a number of genuinely touching moments.  After you beat the game, you get the bonus of being able to play back through as the villain.  Played after I & II, and viewing the various characters in the context of those two games (there are many returning faces), this game is well worth the time.

Super Robot Taisen:  Original Generation (GBA) - Great storyline, great gameplay, and this game has some meat to it, with more than 40 missions in two branching story arcs.  The writing is high quality and the plot is grandiose.  There are some great lines.  At one point, two men who have engineered a war between two human factions for the express purpose of strengthening humanity to fight an upcoming alien threat are about to ride into a battle they know they can't win.  

"Are you ready?"
"Yes."
"Then I'll see you in Valhalla, my friend."

Then they move out to face you, one on twelve.

More fun than Chrono Trigger but not a better game all-told.

10.  Chrono Trigger

Of these Top 10, I have played this game the least.  However, it deserves a spot here.  One of the best SNES games of all time, it will have the shortest entry on this list because, quite frankly, I don't remember much about what happens.  I do know that it contains a secret character, time travel, and you can fight the end boss at about eleven different points in the game, each of which gives you a different ending.  Add in great, colorful graphics (for the time) a story that isn't *that* insulting to the intelligence, and solid gameplay, and you have a winner.  I hope something shows up soon to knock this thing off the list.

9.  La Pucelle:  Tactics

Nippon Ichi's first PS2 offering is actually better than most of their subsequent releases.  Has an interesting pseudo-squad-based combat system where proximity to any given encounter dictates which characters will fight in it.  As with all NIS games, there is a ton of replayability and you can jack all of your characters up until they're doing damage numbering in the millions.  Many extra hours of gameplay are added as you can recruit any monster in the game to fight by your side.  Even bosses, provided you complete an early and absurdly difficult quest.  Also, the main character is a hot teenage nun.  Other characters include Captain Homard and his kitty-and-crossbones air pirate ship crewed by cats, Nicolas D. Wolfwood rip-off Croix (who smokes invisible cigarettes that were edited out), effeminate younger brother Culotte, and Father Salade, who spends most of the game living off his reputation until he finally throws down and you learn that yes, he's a bad-ass.

Also features a dude who stands around in the shop just to send any un-needed party members to hell.  You can check back in with him regularily and he'll give you an update on how they're doing.

8.  Final Fantasy VI

Opera scene, Leo's death scene, Figaro submergence scene, three-stage final battle, the two-headed coin, Gestahl's death scene, the end of the world, Shadow's dreams, and the train that Cyan watches pull away for a very, very long time.  This game is such a blowout. 

7.  Final Fantasy X

Man, was Auron a great character or what?  Also featured a cutscene of a 16-year-old girl peeling off her wetsuit.  Lots of replay value, this game is just inches from absolute greatness.  Has the problem that a lot of Japanese games seem to have, wherein the main character is thrust into an unfamiliar but fantastic place, and rather than embracing the excitement, he doesn't like it.  Also the translators were incapable of using the word "father", despite needing to use that word or some equivilent about 2,500 times during the course of the script.

6.  Xenosaga Episode 1, 2, & 3

Here for the same reason the third LoTR movie won all those Oscars.  Sure, the second game stunk.  But it did contain both Jin/Margulis fights.  Of all the games here, this one has the largest, most meaningful storyline and conclusion.  Sure, they toss out a lot of big words and concepts and then only refer to those in the most passing of contexts.  Sure, all of the games had to have the shit edited out of them for blood, rape scenes, and god knows what else.  Sure, the voice acting sometimes made me want to put a bullet in my head.  Despite all that, I would replay these games in a second.  This series had two things.  A writer who cared, and an art director who cared.  What more can you ask for?

The 3rd game is especially amazing.  There are an unbelievable number of boss fights.  If you play it on the heels of the other two, EACH ONE has some level of catharsis.  And the ending...wow.  They never quite say it, but you know what they're hinting at.

5.  Disgaea:  Hour of Darkness

The perfect storm of off-the-wall Japanese humor being translated in such a way that it doesn't completely insult our Western intelligence.  Subsequent attempts at this were mostly failures (witness the cringe-worthy Python references in Makai Kingdom), but they hit a home run here, with characters like The Prism Rangers, Captain Gordon and Thursday, and that old dude who does an attack called "Galactic Bang" except when it actually happens the explosion is the size of ball-bearing (one of my few true "LOL" moments in RPG gaming).  Also had one of the best character advancement systems of all time- and the usual over-the-top NIS attack animations- a good fit for the over-the-top numbers these attacks would often rack up.

4.  Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

This game couldn't get much better.  Another game that is worth a good hundy on the secondary market, this has a dark and apocalyptic storyline wherein the world is destroyed and remade, and all the remaining people are in a race to gather the power to remake the Earth in their own image and with their own ideals.  To do this, they must recruit and utilize all the gods and devils of every religion and folklore throughout human history.  Have you ever wanted to run around fighting random combats with a party featuring you, The Lord of the Flies, Thor (God of Thunder!), and the Trumpeter that heralds the end of the world (yes, from the Book of Revelations)?  Now, you can.  At the end of the game, you can literally fight Lucifer.  I can't say enough good things about this game.  Did I mention it's brutally hard and if your main character dies, even if every other party member is alive, the game is over?  No room for pussies in the new world.

3.  Suikoden II

For my money, the greatest story of rebellion and war ever told in a video game (better even than Final Fantasy Tactics, which has better gameplay).  Contains what I consider to be the best line in RPG history, where an antagonist asks the main character, his former best friend, to kill him, citing that his death will put an end to an uprising and policy shift that he started in hope of reform, a movement that unfortunately led to much bloodshed.   

"Hope...hope can drive people insane."  

He is talking about himself, as well as those who would follow him.

This game costs hundreds of dollars on the secondary market and it isn't hard to see why.  You can actually complete a sidequest to recruit the main character of Suikoden I, who retains all of his abilities from that game, as part of your fighting force.  To give you some idea of this magnitude, this is akin to being able to complete a sidequest in Final Fantasy VIII to get Cloud Strife in your party.

2.  Final Fantasy Tactics

You won't understand the plot until the third time you play through, it's so intricate.  I played this when I was like...fifteen years old, and had no idea what was going on due to the crappy translation and all of the subtle intrigue.  It didn't matter, because the game itself kicks ass.  I bought a PSP just to play the remake they're in the process of churning out.  There are a lot of similarities between this and Suikoden II, as both games feature a character who is your best friend early and then goes on to become a high-ranking member of the opposing side.

Most awesome random moment:  At one point, there's a guy who is devoted so fully to a cause that he volunteers to dress as Cidolphas Orlandu and get killed, just to foster word of Orlandu's death.  That sort of loyalty you don't find every day.

1.  Final Fantasy VII

If you don't already think this is the greatest ever, I'm not going to be able to convince you.  But by sales numbers, quality of soundtrack, and number of memorable characters, it wins handily.  There's another, more visceral category, that might be called "Number of chills sent down spine during course of play."  That's why it's first.  

===

GT

(8 comments | Leave a comment)

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

(6 comments | Leave a comment)

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

Ben warned me I'd be gone, but the fucking casual writers are the worst possible collection of dogshit they've ever had, and all of them have been given carte blanche by the Great Design Search to talk endlessly about design issues.  What a horror show.

===

GT

(7 comments | Leave a comment)

What characteristics define a fanboy?  Is the word a derigation?

I'd submit that the following are pretty good indicators.

1.  A fanboy treats treats minor deficiencies in areas that are transparent to the layman as if they were serious problems.
2.  A fanboy is able to overlook glaring problems (of various stripes) provided the core of the object of his fandom is intact in any given incarnation.  These problems may or may not include the very premise of the work itself.
3.  A fanboy has an encyclopedic knowledge of the object of his fandom.

Of these three, two indicate problems with judgment and a skewed point of view.  There are probably other factors that I'm missing, but almost all carry a negative connotation that is linked to a lack of clear judgment and a tendency to make mountains out of molehills and shine shit with more elbow-grease than the norm.

Now, the word "expert", I like.  I can't shake the feeling that so-called fanboys are just being dragged around by the balls.  Any thoughts on this?

===

GT

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

(15 comments | Leave a comment)